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M'aidez
Zedeveel


Joined: 06 Aug 2004
Posts: 3042
Location: Berlin,Germany

PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I remember how hard it was for my best friend when her boyfriend broke up with her after more than five years. He meant the wolrd for her and she left everything behind to move into his city. One week before she left our hometown he broke up with her. He was a very immature person and even cheated on her when she wasn't there and on the other hand he never really trust in her. But more than one year after she made it and is happy again or better said still.

So don't let the whole situation destroy you, i'm really sorry.
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Kevin Durant
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Joined: 07 Apr 2003
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i'm sorry joel, things will get better
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Le Bastard
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Joined: 31 Dec 2002
Posts: 12723
Location: Philadelphia

PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tell me who to kill, Jman.

Hey, at least she didn't go down the shore and fuck some guy while you were at orientation for college.
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wat
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Joined: 21 Apr 2002
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

sorry jeol. the sooner it ended though, the better.


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leah
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Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 2789
Location: New Mexico

PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

joel-

i know we've.. well, never talked, but i'm really sorry. i've never been cheated on (that i know of), but my boyfriend has, by his last girlfriend of 4 years, and the circumstances and attitudes of both girls sound a lot alike. except, he kept giving his girlfriend chance after chance (she cheated on him at least 5 times in a period of 4 years) and eventually, the entire thing fell apart. it was best to end it before it turned into a regular, painful thing.

at the time, she thought she was the one who had come out on top, and although she had dumped him, he eventually got over it, moved on, and met the person he wants to be with forever. she has a boyfriend too, but truthfully, she is a bitter, unhappy bitch and always will be.

so what i'm saying is, i know it hurts, but you're the one who's going to come out on top of this situation. you've been an honest person from what i understand. one word: karma.
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And if they tell you that love fades with time...
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jamess
Hilikus


Joined: 17 May 2004
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Location: London

PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 7:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

a blast from the past.

i love you joel/
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Challah Back
Otherworldly


Joined: 20 Mar 2005
Posts: 6312
Location: THE SKY,RAWR.

PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 10:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

jeol wrote:
Apparently she's already replaced me and is seeing someone.

I know she doesn't care at all, and that's what hurts the most about it.


Oh fuck that.


I seriously liked Chuck before all of this. Now I don't.

I have no sympathy for people who cheat on others, and you handled it much better than I would have. Hopefully if she keeps up the habits she'll contract some horrible case of the clap. Because cheating is fucked up, and it's even more fucked that you gave her another chance and she just kept doing the same shit, whilst sober.

I would have seriously fucking slapped a bitch.
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Nicole
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Joined: 27 May 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 11:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really dont see the point in cheating. If you dont want to be with the person then tell them, dont go behind there back and risk hurting them even more. When you care for the person you dont do that.

Anyways sorry Joel, I was really hoping things would get better. And dont feel alone you know we are all here for you. *hugs*
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Ajay
Zedeveel


Joined: 01 Jul 2004
Posts: 3607
Location: Frankfurt am Main, Germany

PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 11:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

im sorry to hear about that man.

if it's any consolation, what goes around comes around. she'll realise at some stage how evil her actions have been and she'll get royally fucked over then wish she'd never been such a prick.

the way you seem to have handled it so far is the best way - be mature, don't do anything to disappoint yourself of lower yourself because that will only lessen the pain for her and make you feel worse.
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tilly-bot
The Karate Kid


Joined: 14 Oct 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 11:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

well man, that sucks. and i know exactly how you feel, cause in august i had to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years caue she got drunk at a party and fucked some other guy. and didnt tell me about it the next day, she just acted like it was fine.

and i know 2 years isnt nearly as long as 4, but the fact that she fucked him and didnt just make out with him equals it out.

but now, 5 months later, im fine. and glad im single.
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Zinger
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Joined: 04 Dec 2003
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 4:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Except for rare AIM Chats, we dont converse. But I'm sorry to hear that you gave this girl everything and it all came crumbling down. Not even knowing you, you going to the park tells me she meant alot to you.

Nothing lame about this. Just shows you cared.




I say you find her closest girlfriend and bury the pickle, but that's just me. I've yet to fall that deep for someone on that kind of level. I can't help but think that unfortunately, there were past cheats you dont know about. It just seems so fucked up. And intuition is rarely wrong when it comes to something you are passionate about. And you said you had trust issues in the past.

I can only hope I could handle this as well as you. I'd be off the hinges.

Joel, hope love pays you back with something more special in the future man.
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Leo

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It's time."
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WILLIAM!
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Joined: 01 Jan 2002
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 5:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

JOEL'S A!


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Anatha
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Joined: 07 Feb 2004
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 10:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You are acting really maturely, and it seems that your maturity will help you understand this situation, your feelings, and someday move on. The scars really are forever, but this experience will help you find a really great person in the future, who truely deserves all the love you have to give.

I am really sorry that you had to find out this way. Don't feel bad for logging into her myspace, I mean, she killed your trust, and you knew in your heart that you were going to find something, otherwise you wouldn't have looked for proof.

Just remember that you aren't replaceable. The person that she is seeing now isn't you, and never will be you. She's lost out on that. Its just someone to fill the void that she apparently is trying to fill.

Cheating is just wrong. I have been on your end.
I'm sorry.
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joelz
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Joined: 12 Oct 2002
Posts: 3753
Location: olympia, wa

PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 3:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've been reading all of your responses, and I do appreciate them.

Thank you guys so much for the support and everything.

I know I'll meet someone who deserves all my love, it's just that you can't get past a 4 year thing that happened on a dime.

She did apoligize to me via email yesterday, but I felt like it was kind of half-hearted and more so she could feel better about what she did after it happened. Especially after she finally decided to to it after I left her things (a painting of her that's like 4 foot tall, wtf was i thinking?) at her mailbox, and on the night before her date with him. The timing is all wrong, and it's too little and far too late.

Maybe someday, but I don't really know about that.

I don't know if I can reply to her and forgive her. I don't think I'm going to let her have that closure. I've been giving her chances up until the point where she just decided to move on and do nothing about it. There's nothing I should do to try to make it so I can talk to her every now and again.

It's my life, and the sooner I stop wasting time and keep feeling hurt the better.

I know that the guy she is with is just to fill a void like you said Anatha. Unfortunately, she hasn't shown any signs of growing. It's just running and quick substitution. I think if she really actually thought about her feelings she'd wait before launching into a relationship. I can't believe she tried to kiss me on Monday either, that's just ridiculous. I know she wants to seem like she is doing the right thing and getting on with her life, but it's all kind of a facade meant to make her feel like she's doing something.

That's what I think our relationship became after awhile too, and I feel sorry for whoever she keeps doing this to in the future.

I'm still going to be ok, but that's just what I think about the situation. I appreciate (sort of) that she tried to say something. But it was just bullshit and she also told me I had no right to go in her myspace still. And everything was way too late and poorly stated.

(hey i regret what i did to you, so i'm going on a date with him tomorrow!)

The only thing I regret, is not breaking up with her the week before when we were fighting and I wanted to but she kept hanging on for some reason. But at least I know for sure that I did the best possible thing.

It just seems like she's trying to pull the same shit and pull me back as a friend. She kind of cares about me, I realize, but it's in a way that she only cares if it makes her feel good about herself.

I don't know, I just really doubt she's past being selfish.
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Tentative Truth
Rogue


Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1675
Location: South Carolina

PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 3:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Joel, remember when you said you thought she didnt care how she hurt you. Well, shes being all friendly because now she's starting to realize what she has lost. And she figures if she works you enough, you'll give in. I was in the same situation with my gf of 2 years. Did the same shit and had the same kind of reprucusions(sp?). Just continue to be strong and know that you are FAR better off.
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to breathe smoke
Human Magic Marker


Joined: 30 Jun 2005
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 3:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It sounds like you handled it better than most people would.

I was dating a girl for about a month and she cheated on me. The thing is, she begged me to go out with her and I only did it because I felt bad. She had told me she had a crush on me for 3 years.

Anyway, after we broke up, she begged me to go back out with her. I never gave her a second chance and I barely even said a word to her afterwards.

You're situation is different, because there was alot more attachment involved, and you still handled it with alot of class.
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Tentative Truth
Rogue


Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1675
Location: South Carolina

PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 3:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Damn Ben, that girl was sweatin your nuts hard man!
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God
Zedeveel


Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 3095
Location: Texas

PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 4:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm just popping into say that yall should remember that there are two sides to this story. I've been one of the people who has had to hear them.

And, no, I'm not going to give my opinion on "THE BREAKUP" here, because I hate most of you. I just think, altogether, it's a fucked up situation.
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Anatha
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Joined: 07 Feb 2004
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 4:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It also sucks to be friends with both parties, like you are Ian. Been there too.
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jamess
Hilikus


Joined: 17 May 2004
Posts: 8855
Location: London

PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 5:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh yeah, i used to be the middle man in my friends relationship. you hear two sides to every story.

its really hard to level the two stories down.
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